I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
