Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
