At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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