You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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