Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
