Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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