btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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