He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
