Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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