shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
