I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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