so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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