I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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