You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
