Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
