I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
