mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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