By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
