You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
