Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
