did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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