yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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