Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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