Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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