i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
