I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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