Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
