38 yer olds are good kisserssss
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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