she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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