If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
