She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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