all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
