By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
