your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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