Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
