3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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