and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
