wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
