Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You've changed since you got that strap on
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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