I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
