I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
