Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize