Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
