I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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