I hate all girls vehemently.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
