that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
