what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
