I want to stick my p in your. b.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
