Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
