Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
