I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
