I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
