Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
