I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh god the rape fog is back!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
