Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
