I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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