if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
