I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
