you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
