so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize