If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
