I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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