I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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