I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
